Long-term Relationship Patterns

What are some long-term patterns seen in relationship

Always going after people who are unavailable, repeating familiar patterns of attachment in childhood. You are seeking the chance that finally this time “I can be seen, or loved.”

In committed relationship, you might engage in the pursuer and withdrawer cycle. The pursuer feels insecure about the behaviour of partner, starts to engage in different strategies to ensure partner stays in the relationship. Partner senses the pressure from pursuer, starts to withdraw to feel safe. Pursuer senses the avoidance or distance, feels even more insecure and tries to pursue even more, leading to the withdrawer withdrawing even more.

How can therapy help?

Therapy can help in the way of raising your self-awareness of these patterns happening-being more aware of your internal states that gives rise to these repeating patterns. You learn how to re-parent your inner child with attachment wounds. As you learn how to reconnect with your wounded parts and hold space for them, the need to seek out unavailable people or engage in pursuing or withdrawing lessen.